I have just returned to Singapore after three weeks in lovely Northern California. I've said it before, and now, once again: I'll take a pine tree over a palm tree any day (though I fall in love all over again with the "live oaks" every time I'm in NorCal).
It's a new year, and for the first time I can remember I've jumped on the old resolution bandwagon. In addition to studying Chinese at least five times a week (I'm currently on once in 12 days), I really want to get my writing gears back in working order, as they seem to have rusted to a halt.
Quite simply, my mind has gone fallow, and it frightens me. My level of inspiration is stuck at zero. I feel like my vocabulary is shrinking, not growing, and that anything resembling a creative peak that I may have had has long past.
I've been feeling this way for months. But it was a conversation a few days after Christmas that really got me self-evaluating. I was talking to someone I've known for years at a party in the little town of Washington (more about the party here). I was trying to talk to her about my life and current interests when she looked at me in mild disbelief and told me plainly: "You've lost your spark."
It was a rather jarring reality unexpectedly thrust in my face, but I could not disagree. She had me nailed.
So please forgive this public reckoning with myself. I'm hoping I can, in 2010, rekindle whatever "spark" I once had and kick this dearth of inspiration. Perhaps it'll require a change in my physical environment, or maybe just an adjustment of attitude. I'm trying to read more fiction and plan to buy a guitar, see if those things help me tap into some dormant creative juices. But this will be a real undertaking, akin to self-reinvention. If anyone has any advice on how to proceed, I'm eager to hear.