Sunday, January 17, 2010

Satan's response to Pat Robertson, the dark lord's faithful servant

You've probably heard by now Pat Robertson's "pact-with-the-devil" comments regarding the devastation in Haiti, and gagged with disdain (but, sadly, not disbelief).

The callousness is unthinkable, but fortunately the Devil himself -- somehow channeled through a woman in Minnesota and onto the pages of the Star Tribune -- has responded to Robertson. (Since letters to the editor tend to have short life in cyberspace, here's the text of the letter reprinted in full):

Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll. You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan


And in another welcome rebuke to Robertson, the consummate Christian extremist, here's former Sacramento Kings center and prominent Haitian activist Olden Polynice talking to The Nation's Dave Zirin:

DZ: I have to ask you your thoughts about Pat Robertson saying the earthquake happened because Haiti made a pact with the devil for independence.

OP: Pat Robertson can suck a big one--you can quote me on that. He is not a man of God and shouldn't claim to be. And you can quote me on that. Please.

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